i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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