apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
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He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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