so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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