I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize