i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
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I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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