I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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