yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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