'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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