How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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