At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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