So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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