Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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