I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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