Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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