Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
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My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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