So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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