i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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