so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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