Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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