Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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