I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude i'm inner monologue high
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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