I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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