You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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