Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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