i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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