your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
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oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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