Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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