i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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