all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we're making bets on your personal life
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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