So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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