You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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