Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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