I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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