OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize