Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize