I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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