I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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