I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize