i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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