Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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