Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize