I'm laying in your front yard are you home
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize