my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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