i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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