first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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