went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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