My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
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Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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