I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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