6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
are you so shy because you have an std?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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