Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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